We have children in various stages from teen down to toddler. Our oldest has begun using swear words. We just can't seem to get this under control.

 J's Reply

Ultimately the goal with all children is to be moving them progressively towards adulthood. An important element of this is the development of their character with regard to whom they will become. With older children, especially teens, you should be developing their sense of leadership. They are, whether they like it or not, role models for their younger siblings just as you, mom and dad, are role models for them. Ask them if the language they are using is reflecting the character of the man or woman they want to become. Talk over the costs and benefits of how they use their tongue. Remember that the two tongues in your shoes speak louder than the one in your mouth: you can't expect them to not do something that you do. Also teach them what the scripture says about the tongue, about how life and death are contained in the tongue. Two of my favorites are Psalm 34:13 “Keep your tongue from evil and your tongue from speaking guile,” and Psalm 35:28 “ And my tongue shall speak of your righteousness all the day long.” Ask them if their tongue is speaking righteousness or guile. We mentioned in another answer Proverbs 29:15 which states "The rod and reproof give wisdom." You do need to establish, in no uncertain terms, with the rod, that this language is not tolerated in your home. The rod however is ineffective by itself and reproof, instruction, must accompany it.

L's Reply

You can do some behavior modification: Every time he says a swear word in your presence or the presence of the children then he puts some of his own money in a jar. 50 cents/word. It's immediate and he loses something tangible. Or you can have him do an extra chore on chore day, pick up his siblings rooms (if he is going to dirty the house, he can clean it!). You can be creative with this. I imagine he will stop using them when he has to pay for their use!