I have a 3 year old daughter who is a terror to take places. I'm embarrassed to take her places where she needs to sit still. The only way I can get her to obey is to give her a new little toy, etc. This is exhausting and also limits where we can go. Any suggestions?

W's Reply
Make sure your expectations of sitting still are age appropriate. If it is unavoidable to take a child to an event which will potentially tax their limits, have a “quite bag” which is filled with quiet activities such as color books and crayons. This “quiet bag” should only be used for times of longer sitting so they look forward to using it. I am concerned the child has now figured out the way to get a new toy….

N's Reply
Rewards for bad behavior are the wrong move. Because then they continue to be "bad" too get good things. Set aside some time where you can truly focus and be consistent with new rules/ boundaries. I have never seen anyone attempt biblical (consistent) training, which I recommend, for 2 straight weeks... and it not bring forth fruit.

L's Reply
If the child is rewarded, by giving her a toy, for negative behavior then the negative behavior will last longer and longer until she is able to get what she wants. She is testing limits. For the next couple of months, you may need to set the expectation that you will be working on modifying her behavior, so you may talk to people you go out with or people around you to help them understand that is your goal. When she is with you in public, and she begins to throw a tantrum you have to consistently stick with two options - if possible, ignore the behavior and help her to see that she will not get what she wants no matter how long she tantrums or how loud she tantrums. If it is not possible to ignore it, then I would have already prepared to have someone with you so that you can exit from the place for a timeout in the car until she calms down. She needs to remain in the car with you or that person until she is calm. Even at age three, children will engage in power struggles. If we enter the power struggle and give them what they ultimately want - attention, rewards, bribes, we will teach them that is how they can continue to get what they want. It is difficult to change this behavior, but over time with a consistent reaction, she will learn that you will not react with a reward, but by removing her or not giving her the attention she wants for the negative behavior.