How old should a child be before we start disciplining them and what are some ways to do that?

W's Reply
There have literally been volumes of books written on this. We do suggest people read some to determine what they are most comfortable with. Suggested Books: Parenting with Love and Logic (Foster W. Cline, MD & Jim Fay); Making your Kids Mind without Losing Yours (Dr. Kevin Lehman), or The new Strong Willed Child (Dr. James Dobson)


Here is how we handled our own children, but not necessarily what you will be comfortable with:

3 months – When I knew they were fed, dry and well, I let them cry to get back to sleep. Was normally 2-3 nights before they slept all night

6 - 9 months – a bite on my shoulder resulted in a bite back. Not a hard one, but enough to get their attention.

12 months – throwing food on the floor or hitting, normally resulted in a small slap to their hands and a stern “No”

18 months – throwing a fit resulted in a quick trip to their crib. This normally took a little longer, but all I had to do was pick them up and head to their room and the fit became a small whimper. I did not leave them long, just long enough to stop screaming. If they didn’t stop, they stayed in the crib and normally fell asleep.

18mo -2 years – we introduced spanking, but it was never with a belt or spoon. We know this is controversial but I had friends who kept the spoon in their back pocket like an “ever present threat”. People told me my children would fear being around me if I used my hand to spank. Since I only spanked on those cute clothed buns, and always followed discipline with a hug and explanation, my kids did not fear me. Nor did I ever say, “Wait until your dad gets home”.  We feel discipline should follow as close to the infraction as possible. I wonder how many people would ask God for forgiveness if his reply was, “wait until I check with my angels.” Both parents should be respected and seen with mutual authority.


By disciplining at such an early age, we truly did not have to spank very much. Consistency is the key. Our children learned very early that if we said something would result in a spanking/time out/no dessert, etc. they knew to believe us. We did not make idle threats.


N's Reply
Sometimes around 1 1/2 you start with a firm no and pat on the hand/butt for safety issues. I am a firm believer of spanking on the bottom. Truly we all know when our child moves from the stage of not knowing he/she is doing something wrong to obviously choosing to disobey.... that is when you get going. I think we start too late on child training and that is a bad move.

L's Reply
At infancy, I would look at it as setting boundaries, rather than disciplining them. For instance, when they are crying and you know they are comfortable, not hungry, safe, not dirty and well taken care of, then I would allow them to cry until they stop or fall asleep. This is the beginning of setting boundaries. As they get older and begin to test limits with you by looking at you and doing what you told them not to then I would begin to implement a "time out" policy. In the time out policy, they are told no and then for thirty seconds or a minute put in a crib away from what they were originally. Continue to gently reinforce that you hold the authority. That will not only help them to feel secure, but also facilitate healthier development from the beginning.